The Well of Desire

Nicodemus

In The Aroused Heart, I noted that The Jesus Prayer would fit nicely into the concept of gazing as contained in The Transformation Wheel pathway, and I indicated that I would speak to that shortly.

If I did that immediately, however, I would skip the spoke in the wheel concerning Desire, so I’ve decided to address that subject first.  Thoughts on gazing will come soon.

Sr. Ilia Delio, OSF, in the book Franciscan Prayer, entitles her second chapter simply Desire.

In the first paragraph, she writes this:

“Recently, someone said to me, “I have no interior life.”  My immediate reaction was “that’s not true.”  Then I realized that this person lacked self awareness, for that is what the interior life is, awareness of the desires deep within us.”

I believe that Desire, at its core, is a gift of God, given to everyone.  It is always present in the heart.  Or, if you prefer a more scientific approach, it is written into our DNA.  We cannot help but Desire a relationship with God because He Desires one with us, and we are powerless to alter His Desire.

Everyone experiences unease on a regular basis.  If you are spiritual, you can probably recollect clearly the point when you stopped ignoring that unease.   Somehow, you knew you had to act upon it, find out what it meant, and follow to where it would lead you.  You may not have realized the consequences when you made that decision.  You didn’t yet know that unease would manifest itself as Desire for God.  But in the end, that conclusion was unavoidable.

If you are not spiritual, I invite you to recollection, to see if you can recall recent times when you experienced the unease I am describing, and to examine your reaction to it.  Did you push it aside as inconvenient?  Perhaps you even dreaded the consequences of pursuing it?

Without freedom, love can not form.  Freedom gives us the power to ignore our unease, to ignore our deepest Desires, and to push forward in the shallow universe that much of society currently occupies if that is our wish.

But God is also free, and He always chooses to use His freedom for love.  That unease, that Desire rooted so deeply within me that I can never dispose of it, is not going away.  God wants it there, and that’s that.

About nine years ago, my unease reached a crescendo.

I had to choose.  I could continue to face the outer world, and be distracted by it.  Or I could turn to the interior, examine what was written in my heart, and act upon that.

With the help of Grace, I looked inside.

What I found was Desire.  When I embraced that Desire, it started to shape me.  It continues to shape me to this day, and it will forever.  It is unquenchable, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The only response I can make is this, as humbly as possible:

Thank You, God, for the need and the Desire to know You.  Its a gift beyond measure.