Matthew Chapter 16, Continued

Here again is the link for Matthew Chapter 16, and verse 24 from that chapter.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

In the last post on this chapter, I focused on crosses.

Now I wish to move to the idea of denying self.

This concept, I think, must be intimately linked to the ideas in the “everything” pathway.

The early posts on that path focus mostly on material things, and the trouble this world presents in denying them.

There is also a side to “everything”  that has to do with giving.  I don’t mean giving in the context of material charity, but instead in the sense of giving everything I have to the vocations God has called me to.

Proper execution of the vocations of husband and father leave little room for selfishness.  But as a sinful man with many failings, there are large parts of me that long to be selfish.  For instance, I like to the play the computer game Civilization.  The danger is this game is terribly time consuming.  There are times when I lose balance, which causes me to loose focus on the obligations of my vocations.

There are also parts of me that doubt, that have a hard time sorting out the obligations of my multiple vocations.  I feel intensely called to my Franciscan vocation.  The ideal of Franciscan poverty inherent to that call creates conflict for me.  I wish to distance myself from the material world, but at the same time I need to dwell within it to support my family.  The lines between these competing ideals are difficult to discern.  I often separate find myself too much from the world, and this creates risk for my family.

What does this have to do with denying self?

I must learn to deny those parts of myself that interfere with my ability to give everything to all my vocations.

And to further close the loop, I need to recognize that these denials are by definition crosses to bear.

In other words, denial of the negative aspects of self in pursuit of Godly vocations (because it represents crosses to be born as discussed in the scriptural passage) will further me on the path to following Jesus!

Perhaps its a convoluted way to reach a straightforward conclusion, but for me, the graces from such an investigation add depth and certainty to my life and my relationship with my savior.

The beauty and consistency of the plan and structure of God’s creation in its details are not always easy to discern, but they are always there.

This fascinates me, giving me glimpses into the vastness of God, and the corresponding vastness of His love for me.

The sensation is beyond joyful.  I have not the words to describe it to you.