In the last post, I asked the question Who Am I?
I also suggested that happiness depends on the ability to honestly answer that question.
I think its reasonable to hope that one benefit of prayer and meditation is the unveiling of truth. It should be reasonable to expect prayer and meditation will help answer my question, even if the answer is ongoing rather than a single instance of revelation.
I quoted Phil Jackson writing this:
“The point of Zen practice is to make you aware of the thoughts that run your life and diminish their power over you.”
A couple sentences later he writes:
“When thoughts come up, the idea is not to try and blot them out or to analyze them, but simply to note them as they arise…….”
This is attractive. Distracting thoughts are a major part of any prayer life. The notion that distractions are normal, and that they need not be blotted out via a severe (next to impossible?) disciplining of the mind must comfort anyone frustrated by these distractions. There is significant wisdom in the suggestion that random thoughts need not be suppressed, but instead can be patiently acknowledged and allowed to dissipate on their own.
Phil finishes the above sentence by suggesting that the next step is “to experience, as fully as possible, the sensations of the body.” In Zen terms, this is akin to “returning to your breathing.” In Christian prayer, you might choose instead to return to the couple words you are focusing on, etc., etc.
He then finishes the paragraph by stating:
“Over time your thoughts calm down, first for a few seconds, then much longer, and you experience moments of just being without your mind getting in the way.”
I find myself wanting to differ with Phil a little here. I wonder, if I acknowledge my thoughts a little longer than he seems to be suggesting, can I use them to help answer my “Who Am I?” question? After all, if I am attempting to clear my mind, to empty it, doesn’t it make sense that the unbidden thoughts that arise have their source in my current true state, whatever that may be?
If I am attempting to prayer over a particular passage in scripture, and I am interrupted by thoughts about my son’s baseball team, or a problem at work, or the next step in the development of the garden I’m planning, doesn’t that say something about “Who I Am?”
I agree with the notion that it would be counterproductive to over-analyze these distractions. That would give them weight and precedence out of step with the activity at hand, but I don’t know that I want to dismiss them completely in favor of the emptiness that Phil seems to be emphasizing.
I want to acknowledge them, from a distance as it were, long enough to accept what they say about me. If I am indeed a person of prayer who must, as a matter of responsibility, acknowledge the secular world, then I need to allow prayer to inform me about that side of my life, even if that’s not the goal I started my prayer session with.
I’ve re-read this multiple times now, and I am not entirely happy with it. I can’t seem to capture exactly what I’m trying to express.
I have no idea how to actually practice what I am suggesting here.
But I will post it anyway, for future reference. Perhaps I can refer back to it later when I have a better handle on what I am trying to convey.