Matthew 27:5 reads like this:
“So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.”
If my assertion about Jesus’ silence is correct, if He is indeed silent because He is preoccupied with praying for His antagonists, how does that translate into the story of Judas, His betrayer?
Matthew 26:24 contains these words:
“But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.”
This is a strong condemnation. But if Jesus was willing to pray on behalf of his antagonists throughout the passion, would he not have also been willing to pray on behalf of Judas? In fact, would it not be more likely that Jesus would pray for a seemingly repentant Judas than for those who are either ambivalent or openly hostile to Him?
What woe does Jesus speak of?
Is the woe the act of betrayal?
Or is the woe perhaps the inability of Judas to understand and accept that forgiveness is possible if he is willing to seek it?
And would Judas have had to specifically seek it, or would the act of returning the money been enough if he had not proceeded on to suicide?
Sometimes the hardest thing is to have enough courage to accept and acknowledge my failings and to be willing to seek the forgiveness I need. The tendency is to believe that I am unworthy of forgiveness, or to be so afraid of judgment as to be unwilling to risk an encounter that could end in forgiveness.
Why can the Sacrament of Penance fill me with trepidation as I approach it?
My worthiness is not mine to decide. I have to be courageous enough to hopefully place myself in God’s hands, faithful enough that I am able to trust in His love, humble enough to let Him decide my fate.
I have to bring my trepidation to Him, and ask that He take it from me.
What would have happened if Judas, instead of going out and hanging himself, had followed Christ to Golgotha?
What would have happened if Judas had laid his guilt and repentance at the foot of the Cross and asked Jesus for forgiveness in those last moments?
Would he have wished he had never been born?
Or would he have been blessed beyond any reasonable expectations?
In a nice example of what I used to think of as coincidence, the Gospel from last Sunday meshed nicely with this post on forgiveness.
Matthew 18: 21 – 35
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, `Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, `Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, `Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, `You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”